Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
