def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
