i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
