I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
