great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
