Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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