Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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