sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
