Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
