seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
