The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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