She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
