Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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