Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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