i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
