I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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