do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
