I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
