I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
