I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
