you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
