I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
