the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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