Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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