2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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