I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
