And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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