I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
