I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
