you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
