You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
