I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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