Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
