Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
