I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
