She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
