She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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