Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
