She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
