apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
