i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
