I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
