Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
