I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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