Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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