They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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