I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
