I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
