he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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