If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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