Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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