I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
