IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize