Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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