My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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