dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
