I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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