I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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