I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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