Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am spending my child support on dildos
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
