someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So much Jack, so little girl.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
