Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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