Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
