Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
