Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
