I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You took a bar mat shot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize