Betty ford says i'm here all night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
