It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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