She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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