why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
