so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize