I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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