pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
