So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
